Everything I am: Thoughts on Mr. West Posted by Essence Renata , Saturday, October 24, 2009 at 7:50 AM, in

PLEASE!!!! PAUSE THE PLAYLIST ON THE SIDE AND LET THIS SHIT RIDE OUT AS YOU READ THIS.. ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS BY MR. WEST

"I'm a star how can I not shine?"- Kanye West

I am fully aware that right now Kanye West is not one of the most loved people in the world. I am also aware that he is a bit of an asshole. I don't care, he is still my favorite rapper.. his music speaks to me on so many levels. I love Ye for a number of reasons... he is above much of the repetitive bullshit that floods the market today. Now don't get me wrong... yes he does speak of flossing, cars, and girls.. but he does it a more creative way. But most of all.. Ye speaks of dreams. Following them.. the struggles on the path to achieving them... the downfalls of "arriving." As a woman who is very much on the grind,that speaks to me much more than syrup induced, auto tune laced flow of Lil Wayne. I will ride out to Wayne , but on some kick it with the homies getting drunk going to the club type shit, Ye touches me in a different way. I may be on his nuts something tough, but he is the best in My opinion, his body of work speaks for itself, and anyone who has every worked a 9 to 5 can feel "Spaceship."

"Feeling better than some head on a Sunday Afternoon, Better than a chick that says yes to soon"

I had a dream about Kanye one night. I tweeted about it when it first happened but it was awhile back and i only had like 65 followers (30 of them were probably Britney Fuck Vids spammers) so most of you have not heard this story .

It is after the club and I'm starving as usual so I walk into a diner to grab a bite to eat. (I don't know why I would be by myself after the club, that screams "come rape and kill me!!" but in the dream I was so we'll let that ride out). In this little hole in the wall, sitting at a booth my himself, there he was in the flesh, Mr. West. I almost piss my pants with excitement and approach him trying hard not to seem like a groupie. He was cool, not pompous at all (which also seems far from realistic lol) and he told me to sit down and eat with him. I sit, and we have one of the best conversations I have ever had in my life. I ask him where he got inspirations for some of my favorite songs by him, we talk about life, music ..everything under the moon and stars and I am left giddy and filled with excitement. We take a bunch of pictures in my phone (which was an htc touch at the time) and part ways. I awoke that morning thinking the dream was real. I grabbed my phone to look at the pictures, and fell back in the bed with disappointment when I realized it was all a dream. Weird, I know. LOL

"I did dirt and went to church to get my hands scrubbed
Swear I've been baptised at least 3 or 4 times
But in the land where nigga's praise
Yukons and getting paid
It gon' take a lot more than coupons to get us saved"

A brief background to allow you to understand the great deal of respect and admiration that I have for this man's music. It's changed me on a number of levels, I was listening to "I wonder" the night before I made the call to my enrollment adviser to get back into school. I work out to his music.. I get fucked up to his music ( man.. "Addiction" is a mutha.. every time I hear that song I either want to write or rub on myself lol)... basically Kanye is the active soundtrack to my life. And I strongly feel that if you haven't listened to "We Major" on late registration you are doing yourself a great disservice and you should do so immediately.

"Why everything that's supposed to be bad.. make me feel so good ?"

This blog was incited by my overwhelming excitement for Through The Wire: Lyrics and Illuminations. Now after hearing about Ye's alleged tie to Illuminati still trying to process how I feel about the title , but I am going to purchase the book regardless. The pictures scattered throughout the blog were some of the illustrations from the book. I can't wait!!! I am certain in will rub my muse in a good way.

Here's some info on it from www.amazon.com

Product Description
This is a rare partnership between two geniuses at the top of their crafts -- Kanye West, who was named "the smartest man in hip-hop" by Time magazine, and Bill Plympton, an Academy Award-nominated animator, cartoonist, and illustrator.

Through the Wire is a graphic memoir that illustrates the lyrics of twelve Kanye West songs to tell his story, from his decision to drop out of college to pursue his dreams in music, through his days spent folding chinos at the Gap while struggling at night to make a name as a producer, through the pivotal car accident that eventually set him on the course to stardom and the epiphany of realizing exactly who he had become:

"...They say people in your life are like seasons
And anything that happens is for a reason..."

Plympton illustrates each of the songs in detail, his vision of Kanye's world. The songs are annotated with explanations of the references in the songs, biographical components that illuminate the lyrics, and their meaning on a deeply personal level.

The result is a one-of-a-kind book that initially grabs you and stays with you forever.

You can pre-order and save 52% here: http://www.amazon.com/Through-Wire-Illuminations-Kanye-West/dp/1416537759

Just wanted to share my excitement with you all. What do you think about Kanye West? (I want to know your honest opinions, but please, keep that Taylor Swift shit off my blog, so tired of hearing about it. And for those of you that think his career is over because of that nonsense you are truly special, because true talent shines it's light despite adversity, whether it is self-inflicted or not). What are you favorite songs by him if you are a fan? Talk to me people, I want to know what you think.

Until Later... much love to all :D

The Realest Ish I Ever Wrote (part un) Posted by Essence Renata , Friday, October 2, 2009 at 12:53 AM, in Labels: Random Rants of Essence

So I’m about to hit on a touchy subject. After spending two days completely immersed in learning about hip hop and it’s connections to the occult, I gained a plethora of knowledge I don’t think I wanted. I felt strange and very uneasy.. dismantled. I had to take a shower and cry. I cried when I read some of the stuff I found, I cried when the hot water hit then tension in my neck that for some reason hasn’t been able to release for the past three to four weeks or so.

I thought about my strong reaction to what I saw, how angry I was when I read the allegations of Jay-Z being an alleged devil worshiper and using his influence to secretly pedal a message of the New World Order out to his millions of adoring fans. Me being one of them. I remember the reasonable doubt poster I had hanging in my college dorm room, how every time I would purchase a new Jigga album, I would put my headphones on and bang it from front to back, the first time I heard “The Black Album”… etc. And don't even get me started on Kanye. Ego aside.. since "The College Dropout" his albums have been the virtual soundtrack to my journey of becoming a better me. See, most people would retort, why are you so upset? It’s just music. However for me, there is no such thing as JUST music… I feel as if music flows through my veins, gets inside me… I need it to live. I don’t need tv as long as I have access to my computer and my itunes… I could write for hours..music incites my muse. I digress.

I still don’t know why I cried, I don’t know what the truth is.. no one knows but him. But as I watched segments 1- 11 of the “Jay-Z Deception” on youtube.. the evidence seemed overwhelming. I found myself enraged, when the accused Beyonce (who there is no secret that I adore) of being involved of this nonsense. There were hundreds of videos breaking down each and every scene from their videos, and explaining the ties to the occult or some form of ritual or symbolism. Now, in many cases I feel as if some of this was just extremely right winged Christians, trying to scare people out of listening to secular music. Now I know that Jay’s music is not exactly clean, but come on now… Sasha Fierce is the demon possession on Beyonce? Excuse my language, but Get the Fuck out of here.

It bothered me that they singled out the most successful black musicians of today, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Kanye West, and Rihanna and nitpicked their every single move and gave everything a secret, hidden meaning. Maybe that’s why I cried I don’t know. Maybe it was the overwhelming amount of knowledge of evil in the world that I had been blissfully ignorant to up until that point and had been dumped upon me. I mean, I know the world is a bad, bad place, but I was really unaware of the depth of these rituals and secret societies went. Scary Stuff. Maybe it was because the videos of pastors playing a doctored version of Jay-Z’s “Lucifer” backwards in front of a congregation with stating that Jay was claiming that the message was “Murder murder, jesus” took me back to an incident that I had in church on Easter in 2006. I was sitting in a pew near the front, and the pastor felt the need to call my lifestyle out in front of the entire church. I will never forget that feeling. I haven’t been back to church since. Not saying that I’m perfect, but if you are going to call me out on loving someone who is like me… you should go down the row and hit up everyone else and their sins too. Church people are funny to me.

I know this was a very random and disjointed entry, but today my emotions were all over the place. I know you may read this and wonder why I should care and have such a strong reaction to it.. once again it’s just music, and once again I would have to rebuttal that to me it’s so much more than that. It’s what gets me through my tough work days, my workout, I make love to it, it makes me happy, makes me sad, incites tears of both joy and sorrows, can trigger memories that would other remain tucked away in the far corners of my brain, it’s the soundtrack to achieving my dreams and I associate none of that with darkness. I mean, it's not the most moral music but you get my point. I'm done talking about this now and I'm moving on to myself now. . .




Listening to "Made Up My Mind" by Lyfe Jennings as I write this, that song touches on a lot feelings and experiences that I try to tuck away and ignore. Eyes are burning with tears again... sheesh I hate emo days. I've talked to sig other about going back to church, but after that last horrific and humiliating experience I have very little tolerance for judgment and it makes me hesitant. And it's not even the life style judgment.. it's everything.. the tattoos, the fact that I have a very large ass with a large set of breasts to accompany it.. I know good and well how to cover myself up, but I can't help that I have a voluptuous figure. I used to have to deal with the looks about that too. Maybe things will be different this time. Maybe they won't. I know I shouldn't care...but the things that were said to me are imprinted on me forever like one of my tattoos.. and it's just been one of those things that are hard to shake. Always so quick to point the finger when you are not 100% right yourself. Church people are funny to me.

Oprah Got that Good Good! (hair that is) Posted by Essence Renata , Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 9:50 PM, in Labels: celebrities, Hair and weaves

So everyone is anticipating the release of "Good Hair" Chris Rock's documentary on African American women and what is a definition of "good hair." It covers wigs, weaves.. and everything in between. He even goes to India to see the process of how the coveted "Indian Hair" is gathered at temples and then shipped off to the U.S. to be placed upon the head of women that can afford it. This video is a segment from Oprah when he gawks in disbelief when Oprah tells him that her flowing locks are indeed her own, then her proceeds to rummage through her locks to prove that Oprah indeed, has good hair.



Now as an advocate of wigs and weaves, I must say that if you are gonna do it, do it right loves. I wear Indian Remy hair, not that cheap yaki bullshit. If you are ready to break bread and step you wig/wave game up hit up www.inhairco.com for the best in Virgin Remy Hair.

Hunger, cravings, and how to curb them Posted by Essence Renata , at 9:11 PM, in Labels: diet tips, The Body Beautiful

So, this diet thing that I mentioned was easier said than done. I have been working out, but I find it hard to work, do my school work, and work out six times a week. My current occupation is so mentally draining that it often leaves me physically drained at the end of the day. I have made progress, but I need to step it up so that I can reach my goal of ultimate hotness by new years. I was going to post mid-way pics but I would much rather wait till the end and share my ultimate before and after at the end of the year.

I find the most difficult part of losing weight is controlling the hunger. Or better yet telling the difference between hunger and just a regular ole craving . I thought that I would share some personal tips that work for me for curtailing my hunger when I get my little cravings.

1) Most of the time when you think you are hungry, you are really just thirsty. If you drink a full glass of water, that will usually curtail the craving.

2)Most cravings only last ten minutes, so if you can distract yourself from that time, the sugar.fast food attack will probably go away.

3)Everyone says this, but it's so true. If you eat breakfast, you will be less hungry throughout the day. I know that this can be very difficult to do for us that have a hectic workout life, but if you are trying to lose weight, it is imperative that you start your day off right, even if it's just some yogurt or egg whites.

Well, had to take some time to give you all a quick update on my progress. Wish me luck as I continue on my process of obtaining the body beautiful. I'm going to kick things up a notch.