i dabbed at my tearstoyed, frolicked
with the idea
of taking that long
dirt nap.
i dabbled pain
pondered, contemplated
the absence of my
presence in the lives
of those
i cherished most
exhausted
knocked on my
ass, tired of getting up
can i just
stay
d
o
w
n
i dabbled in hurt
wondered, how long
would you love me
after i was gone...
would you hate/blame
me or yourself...
just thoughts.. just thoughts.
i stand in front
of you
and wonder if you
see me at all.
i dabbled in loneliness ,
toyed, frolicked
with the idea of
the blade to the flesh
tortured being at rest
but not really. . .
wondered how it
would feel to drown
the burning
spread across my lungs
would i scream
knowing no one
could hear?
Less messy that way...
i try to be considerate
written/erased/rewritten
that "note"
mentally a million times
only to
decide there would be no note
only questions,
i don't know the answers
why should you...
guess i'm not
as considerate as i thought.
i dabbled in death,
pondered, contemplated
these thoughts...
just thoughts...
just
thoughts
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