Oprah Got that Good Good! (hair that is) Posted by Essence Renata , Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 9:50 PM, in Labels: celebrities, Hair and weaves

So everyone is anticipating the release of "Good Hair" Chris Rock's documentary on African American women and what is a definition of "good hair." It covers wigs, weaves.. and everything in between. He even goes to India to see the process of how the coveted "Indian Hair" is gathered at temples and then shipped off to the U.S. to be placed upon the head of women that can afford it. This video is a segment from Oprah when he gawks in disbelief when Oprah tells him that her flowing locks are indeed her own, then her proceeds to rummage through her locks to prove that Oprah indeed, has good hair.



Now as an advocate of wigs and weaves, I must say that if you are gonna do it, do it right loves. I wear Indian Remy hair, not that cheap yaki bullshit. If you are ready to break bread and step you wig/wave game up hit up www.inhairco.com for the best in Virgin Remy Hair.

Hunger, cravings, and how to curb them Posted by Essence Renata , at 9:11 PM, in Labels: diet tips, The Body Beautiful

So, this diet thing that I mentioned was easier said than done. I have been working out, but I find it hard to work, do my school work, and work out six times a week. My current occupation is so mentally draining that it often leaves me physically drained at the end of the day. I have made progress, but I need to step it up so that I can reach my goal of ultimate hotness by new years. I was going to post mid-way pics but I would much rather wait till the end and share my ultimate before and after at the end of the year.

I find the most difficult part of losing weight is controlling the hunger. Or better yet telling the difference between hunger and just a regular ole craving . I thought that I would share some personal tips that work for me for curtailing my hunger when I get my little cravings.

1) Most of the time when you think you are hungry, you are really just thirsty. If you drink a full glass of water, that will usually curtail the craving.

2)Most cravings only last ten minutes, so if you can distract yourself from that time, the sugar.fast food attack will probably go away.

3)Everyone says this, but it's so true. If you eat breakfast, you will be less hungry throughout the day. I know that this can be very difficult to do for us that have a hectic workout life, but if you are trying to lose weight, it is imperative that you start your day off right, even if it's just some yogurt or egg whites.

Well, had to take some time to give you all a quick update on my progress. Wish me luck as I continue on my process of obtaining the body beautiful. I'm going to kick things up a notch.

Jay-z And The Occult Posted by Essence Renata , Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 10:55 PM, in Labels: celebrities

So... today my sig other told me to read a blog about the Jay-Z video for "Run This Town" being associated with the occult. Immediately, my first reaction was shock and then disbelief, cause black people don't do that kind of shit, right? Well, after googling the articles (I must admit it shocked the shit out of me when I googled Jay-Z and.. and the word occult popped up as the first option for the Google auto complete on the search) I feel strange after what I found. So I read the first article, which breaks it down, shot by shot and explains the ties between the video and occult symbolism. Then they ask the questions... is Jay a freemason? Does he have ties to the Illuminati? Now, I can keep it real, I didn't really have much background knowledge on either, but after reading the articles, I had to do some research before I could form an opinion, and to be truthful, I still don't know what I think, but the evidence left me dismantled. I still refuse to believe that Beyonce would have any affiliation with someone who dealt in secret societies and alleged devil worship. Denial? Maybe, who knows?

For a detailed of analysis of the occult symbolism surrounding the "Run this Town" video and the Rocawear clothing line check out http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=1948


And if you don't feel like reading all of that, here is a video that gives a look at Jay-Z, Kanye, Nas and some of their alleged occult practices.

Quarter Life Crisis (so to speak) Posted by Essence Renata , Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 2:21 PM, in Labels: Random Rants of Essence

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” – Sex and the City

25 is a strange age for me. I feel old. I know in the overall scheme of things, I am considered to be relatively young, but it’s official, I’m in my mid 20’s (slowly pulls barrel out of mouth and puts the revolver on the table to continue typing). I’m at the age where I am still young enough to be reckless but old enough to know better. I have approached this crossroads and have decided to grab my future by the balls and not leave things up to chance.

I have made major changes in my life over this past year, and if I was to sum up how I feel about 2009 I would say for the most part I consider this year to be a year of progression. Difficult as it was, I rid my life of all toxic people, and while it hurt for awhile, I am more relaxed than I have in a long time. Sometimes isolation is a good thing. I am in no way saying that I am a total loner, but I do keep a very small circle and I rather like it that way.

The move to Atlanta. It seems so far away yet so close. The reckless young woman in me tells me just to leave and leave it up to my destiny, and the sensible adult in me bitch slapped that reckless girl and told her to sit down and amass a more than substantive savings before completely isolating myself from my loved ones. I always envied the ones that just followed their hearts and got on a bus, train, or drove off into the sunset and their destiny. Life made me too much of a realist to do anything that idealistic. It’s no secret that I am unhappy in Oklahoma City. I mean I am happy that my family is here, and I have my own roof over my head and I am able to travel and experience things, but it sucks to work at a job as stressful as mine, and in your down time never want to do anything because you don’t enjoy the city you reside in. I am a big city bright lights kind of gal, and while OKC is bigger than most outsiders preconceive it to be, it’s too slow for me here.

I have also come to realize that I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t feel the urge to bear children at all. I wish to have a successful career, in which I feel fulfilled by my work, and to see the world, not change diapers and be chained to a place because a child needs stability. Not knocking parenthood at all, it’s just that not everyone is meant to be a parent, and I often feel as if I am one of those people that is meant to live for self.
I wasted two years of my life not in school and in a city I didn’t belong in, investing in a bad relationship. I can’t undo the past or get back time wasted, so I feel a sense of urgency that often consumes me and causes me to retreat further into self than I often should. I know it is a good thing to have goals, a great thing to actually take the steps to actually achieve them, but should it consume you? I often feel that with me it does. I haven’t been out in quite sometime, all I want to do is work, do school work, or go to the gym… I need to relax.. get that balance back.. besides…25 isn’t getting old is it? When I see 18 and 19 year olds, they seem so young and naive to me, and they say when you start thinking like that…well you know the rest. Bae always tells me that my obsession with aging is unhealthy, my retort is that time stands still for no one and I am not getting any younger lol.

I’ve taken a lot a big risks in my life. It makes me feel alive, and I realize that even with savings, moving during a time of economic turmoil is risky, but I’ve been here for three years, it is time to move on to bigger and better things. I need to be somewhere were my lust for life will overwhelm me and make my muse dance with the wind and sing me sweet lullabies. Here, my muse comes and goes, but she cannot forced, our love is on her terms, not mine. I am comfortable here in OKC, I know my way around, people know me and of me, I have been at my job for a long time…yadda yadda yadda. I need to be uncomfortable, a little on edge, I want to live, not fall into routine and complacency. People tell me I am foolish to follow my heart and my dreams, that I should take the safe route. I politely tell them to fuck off and it’s my life not theirs, I will do what’s best for me, and I only hope that they would do the same. It’s hard when you feel like no one understands you at all, but I am a woman of constant change, so am I asking for to much? I get irritated beyond belief when people make incorrect assumptions based upon brief interactions, but is it my fault for keeping every one on the surface. Very few have seen more than the tip of the iceberg, but the current is ever changing. Many of us are so quick to boast that they are a grown ass woman/man; I on the other hand feel as if growing into being the epitome of the woman or man that we are destined to be is a lifetime process.

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Essence, 25, Capricorn, and I am a full time worker, full time student, full time lover… and a my journey to becoming a better woman is a life long process.

The Body Beautiful Posted by Essence Renata , Saturday, August 15, 2009 at 5:22 PM, in Labels: diet tips, Random Rants of Essence

Everyday as women, especially black women, we are set to unreasonable standards. Too thick, too skinny, too much ass, not enough ass, etc. the list can go on for days. And with the images that are put out in the media, especially in music videos and mens magazines, it is easy for one to feel as if they don't measure up to society's standard of beauty.

Man, the inner struggle i go through with food is something wicked. I have finally given up on all crash diets, and quick weight loss methods and decided that i am gonna do it the right way. Now, don't get me wrong, i have slimmed down some after deciding that i could no longer go on in this impostors body, i must taken control and claim back what's mine. Honestly , i think I'm pretty damned sexy, and many women would be happy to be the size i am now, it's just that spending my entire childhood, teenage, and early adult years as an athlete I'm uncomfortable in the skin i'm in. People say, "just lose the weight" that's easier said than done, if losing weight was easy, the weight loss industry wouldn't be a billion dollar industry .. I'm just sayin. Now even as an adult, when i stopped playing sports i gained a bit of weight and lost it back, and fell in love with these new found curves. With measurements of 36c-28-40 i was slim in all the right places, and thick in others. Then i got my first desk job, and i let my body go to shit. Now, don't get me wrong the pay is good, and i love the hours and schedule flexibility, but honestly, my job is so damned mentally draining that i find it hard to do anything but want to crash out on the sofa after a hard day of selling out to the man.

I've joined a few gyms, and started out great, everyone would be like "Oh E, girl you slimming down right! " and i would take extreme pleasure in my progress and reward myself with sugary goodies and fried delights. Now, I'm a southern girl through and through, and there is nothing more that i love than a big ol plate of fried chicken or pork chops, with some made from scratch mashed potatoes, some fried okra, some baked mac and cheese, some cornbread.. . man i could go on and on about this.. which reminds me, i just got through working out, and i have indeed made myself hungry lol. However, I shall remain steadfast on my course of weight loss and instead of going in the kitchen to fix myself a snack, i will continue to bleed my "thick girl's blues" out through this here blog. And yes, i am thick, not fat, some girls don't know the difference, i am not one of them lol, even with the weight game genetics played a great role in making sure it went to all the right places (thanks grandma ) .

Now we shall do the reverse before and after pics lol.

This is me in 2006-2007
sigh it breaks my heart to look at this, i was still in the
pursuit of my flat stomach i had when i was playing ball,
but over all i was happy. this was in the fall of 2006.






now this one was when i first started to pick up
my weight in the beg of 2007, i was still happy at
that size, but i just let the control slip away. i
got caught up in my relationship, working,
partying, and just down right trying to maintain
in this crazy world we live in, and my fitness and
physical well being slipped to the bottom of my list.






And here we go in 2008 ...

a considerable difference from the two above, at this time
i first began trying "quick weight loss" solutions,
i swear i have loss and regained the same 10-15lbs
at least four times.






And Finally the summer of 2009


I have slimmed down some since this pic was taken,
but it was one of the more recent full body shots.
I have here laid out the evidence and hold myself
accountable for the goals i have let slip through
my fingers like sand .







It's hard to be the same person in a new body, I had to completely revamp the way i dress, pretty much change everything about the way i carry myself. Before i would look through club pics and just make sure i didn't post ones where my drunk face wasn't completely out of order, now i have to make sure i don't think i look "fat". And the previous friends i kept around would never hesitate to say "Oh girl you used to have them coke bottle curves," and when i would shoot a dirty look in their direction , a feeble attempt to retract the statement would be made by uttering some bullshit like "At least you still got your shape."

Now, I have an awesome support system around me, my family, friends, and twitta fam, hold me down, and don't give negativity. I just feel that since i have never had to deal with being overweight in my life until the past two years, i should document my journey so that when i reach my goal weight, i will never let it slip away from me again. I miss being able to wear a bikini with confidence, or being able to go into any store and get whatever i wanted off the rack, i have had to scale back on some of the trends because they no longer fit my body type.

My weight loss goal is extremely ambitious, i want to lose 60lbs in about 4 to 5 months. Now i know for this to happen, it will take extreme dedication. I have revamped the way i shop for groceries, and i am completely cutting fast food out for the next few months. Now with this 60 lb weight loss goal, it takes me far beyond my weight of 2006-2007 to what i feel would be an ideal weight for me to feel my personal best. Now will i share my current weight with you, in a later post sure, also with pics and progress updates of my measurements, since i put in on the net, I'm going all in. I will also share what workouts and diet methods work best for me throughout my journey, and i will be sure to give constant updates on progress of attaining "The Body Beautiful"

While you are here don't hesitate to peruse my poetry .

Paramour Posted by Essence Renata , Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 3:25 PM, in Labels: Poetry

you pulled
me by hair
into your dreams
asked me if
i like the way
you love me
on some varying level
I've always known
you'd hurt me.
i like pain.

enamored,
I'd follow
you the depths
of Hades
for a mere sip
from your fountain
of affection for
a mere drop upon
the lips can
satiate the
intense yearning
that devastates
my every moment
of conscience being.

it's unsettling here
the ground is
uneven i stumble
as i leave
remnants of my
innocence behind
limbs upon limbs
our spirits
further entwined.

my predilection for affliction
ensures my eternal
enslavement
in your lair
of licentious
recreation and torture.

i mold,
bend, but don't break
as you test the limits
of my undying adoration.
i sit here..
waiting silently in
the wings..
your perfect paramour

Sylvia Plath Posted by Essence Renata , Saturday, August 1, 2009 at 6:35 PM, in Labels: Poetry

i dabbed at my tears
toyed, frolicked
with the idea
of taking that long
dirt nap.

i dabbled pain
pondered, contemplated
the absence of my
presence in the lives
of those
i cherished most


exhausted
knocked on my
ass, tired of getting up
can i just
stay
d
o
w
n



i dabbled in hurt
wondered, how long
would you love me
after i was gone...
would you hate/blame
me or yourself...
just thoughts.. just thoughts.

i stand in front
of you
and wonder if you
see me at all.


i dabbled in loneliness ,
toyed, frolicked
with the idea of
the blade to the flesh
tortured being at rest
but not really. . .

wondered how it
would feel to drown
the burning
spread across my lungs
would i scream
knowing no one
could hear?
Less messy that way...
i try to be considerate

written/erased/rewritten
that "note"
mentally a million times
only to
decide there would be no note
only questions,
i don't know the answers
why should you...

guess i'm not
as considerate as i thought.


i dabbled in death,
pondered, contemplated
these thoughts...
just thoughts...


just

thoughts